Happy ABQ Pride!

Nightwalk

Wanderlust, Dan May, acrylic on wood panel, 2013

in the forest, there is no other animal like myself in shape, smell, or stance. every night, i stride through the trees, silently carving narrow paths into the moss, crisscrossing my way from one perimeter’s edge to another. 

the others leave me alone; they think i am strange. unlike the other animals, i require little by way of food, shelter, or sleep; as a result, i find myself with hours to fill and no purpose with which to fill them. the others scurry past me with arms full or backs piled high, sparing little more than a suspicious glance in my direction as they hurry to build their homes and protect their young. for them, everything is driven by survival, whereas i continue to thrive, regardless of how i spend my waking hours. i used to feel guilty about the ease of my life; these days, i wonder why i exist at all, since i seem to hold no place in any of the life cycles that constantly renew themselves around me.

it has been so long since i interacted with another creature; it is difficult to believe that i used to talk nonstop. years ago, there was another like me, two of us in the same forest. together, our focus narrowed on ourselves, leaving no room for questions of existentialism or purpose, each one simply existing for the other. back then, we made plans that became projects that in turn birthed new plans. we were so busy, absorbed in our own world. i didn’t understand that i was living a miracle, spending my days with another who spoke my language and shared my history. because that was all i’d ever known, i assumed that was how it would always be- the two of us, never wanting for more.

it took years to get used to being alone. at first, every cell in my body strained to wish us two back into existence, as if i could harness all the energy in the universe to make it true if i tried hard enough. When that did not work, i began to expect my own demise. our lives had been so closely linked- with one gone, surely i was soon to go too. Yet here i am, still.

OOJ: Eoin Duffy, "On Departure"

Eoin Duffy, "On Departure"

typically i have zero patience for movies with no talking ("WALL-E", i'm looking at you). when it comes to appreciating film, i'm embarrassed to admit that i'm all about fast-moving action; i have the attention span of a flea. which is why i was surprised to find myself riveted to this short film; this beyond perfect intersection of music, minimalist art, and mood transported me into another world as effectively as any "Fast + Furious" franchise.

Life Aquatic

So far, hearing loss has not been as bad as I might have thought. After one week of not being able to hear out of my left ear, I am still fascinated by its effect on how I experience my world. Everything now sounds as if I’m underwater- muddled, yet somehow melodic, harsh consonants sanded down into indistinct murmurs. While I do have to put a lot more effort into conversations, I appreciate my hearing loss most in public places- airports, trains, restaurants. I float serenely through seas of noise, insulated in a thick, cushioned bubble that gently muffles screaming kids, cell phone ringtones, and public announcements. It’s like having a soft focus camera filter for my ears; the world sounds prettier when I’m not subjected to its ridiculous chatter.

Surprisingly, I myself have become quieter, as if hearing less noise nudges me to contribute less noise to the world. Prior to this experience, I was dismissive of people who complained about everyday noises being overstimulating and annoying. I’ve always been a big fan of noise, loving both the Las Vegas Strip and the roaring ocean because both generate so much thundering noise that I feel cocooned in an exhilarating way. I like being loud, and loud places allow me to make as much noise as I want to without being shushed. Quiet places make me nervous, unsettled; they are voids that I want to fill with noise. This week I’ve learned to be more comfortable with less noise, though I think I’d still shy away from absolutely quiet places; they give me heebie jeebies.

I suspect I’ll be hearing through both ears again soon. I don’t know what caused my left ear to stuff up, and for some reason this leads me to believe that one morning I will wake up, able to hear fully again. But until then, if you need to tell me something, use lots of hand gestures.

OOJ: Toddler Pedi

can't believe this 2-yr-old sat still long enough for us to paint his nails, but he was super excited about it. of course, as soon as the last toe was done, he instantly ran off to resume his roaring + stomping at the world again.

Snapshots of Baltimore

will baltimore be the next city for me? i won't know for sure for a while, but i definitely liked what i saw during my visit this past weekend.

OOJ: Leering Unicorn Puppet

a very shady unicorn puppet i found in a toy store in annapolis, md.

he looks like the uncle you try to avoid at family events.

his other side is not much better:

lastly, a quartet of fro yo, the highlight of an afternoon of errands with my friend 

sophie + her girls. mine is "the brown one", as they called it:

POD/SOD: Macklemore, ft. Mary Lambert, "One Love"

time for some poetry, kids. read it first before you watch the video: "One Love". make sure you have some kleenex on hand. why won't they play this song on the radio instead of "thriftshop"???

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay,
'Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight.
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face
She's like "Ben you've loved girls since before pre-k, trippin' "
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, "Yeah, I'm good at little league"
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don't know
If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
"Man, that's gay" gets dropped on the daily
We become so numb to what we're saying
A culture founded from oppression
Yet we don't have acceptance for 'em
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it
Gay is synonymous with the lesser
It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion
Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
Live on and be yourself
When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that's not important
No freedom till we're equal, damn right I support it
We press play, don't press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all
But it's a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up