move on

this morning i woke up in an unfamiliar place. sun poured in across the bed, making me uncomfortably warm. large-sounding dogs cussed each other out up and down the street, setting each other off w/overlapping, escalating barks. feet pounded across a wooden floor somewhere; someone else yelled an indistinguishable question. mariachi swelled out of a radio next door, accompanied by the zzzing of an electric saw. 


for a moment, i thought i was in a foreign country- the morning sounds reminded me of both mexico and taiwan. then brain memory kicked in: this is where you live now. yesterday we moved out of one apartment into another. the new place is just two blocks away from our old apt, but everything smells and sounds different. it's the largest apt i've ever lived in; i felt like a marble in a giant cardboard box as i shuffled through the rooms. then i sat down and just sat, unsure of what to do next, slightly hungry and thirsty, but not getting up to do anything about it. 


since i was a kid, the morning after a big event (a birthday, christmas, the last day of school, a funeral) has always unsettled me. after much anticipation + build-up + work, the event arrives, the event happens, the event passes- then what? it has always felt jarring that life around me flows on as usual, regardless of what important occasion has happened to me. i guess that egocentric childlike thinking hasn't left me entirely.