OOJ: Maile Meloy's "The Proxy Marriage"

today's object of joy (OOJ) is a short story by Montana native Maile Meloy. i feel mostly enh about many of the short stories i read these days but this one grabbed me because (a) the plot moves pretty quickly and (b) i'm fascinated by the concept of proxy marriages, which i'd never heard of before. as the story explains, a proxy marriage is when two people who want to get married can not be in the same physical place, so they hire two other random people and a judge to perform their wedding, and somehow this is legal. this arrangement seems to be the anti-wedding: no fuss over flowers and catering, and the people getting married aren't even in the same room. it's a reminder of one of the many sacrifices that active military personnel and their families have to make. 
"The Proxy Marriage"

Notes From the Field: My Apartment on a Saturday Morning

11:10 AM
i'm woken up by the doorbell, most likely the mailman. i ignore it and roll over. on the floor is a pyramid of kleenex wads, heavy with snot. i've had a bad cold/flu since wednesday- i was even congested and snuffling in my dream last night where i was in bed with a married man (don't worry, no one i know in real life... do other ppl do that too? dream about strangers?) something hard and pointy is jabbing my shoulder: one of the several hardcover short story anthologies borrowed from the library scattered across my bed. some ppl sleep with ppl; i sleep with books. i ignore the books and pick up a magazine- picture book for grown ups! i love magazines: i subscribe to ESPN, Ranger Rick, Lucky, Essence, People en Español, and i just filled out a little card for the Food Network magazine- not for the recipes or cooking tips (i don't cook, i only microwave and boil water), but because the pictures are pornographically luscious (flip through a food magazine the next time you're in a check out line; i dare you to not feel aroused).


when i finally get out of bed, i eat a third of a box of generic Life cereal (they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, plus i'm eating for two: breakfast AND lunch). i check on the moody gerbera daisy i am regretting bringing home, like a one night stand gone bad. i don't own plants as a rule (except for my cactus, nigel teagarden) but this one's supposed to be a gift for a teacher who's moving to another school. i figured i could babysit it for a couple of days until i give it to her on tuesday, but by the time i got back from whole foods, it was dragging its petals in the dirt. i don't know anything about plants, but i know droopy is bad, so i stuck it in the fridge, hoping to recreate the whole foods climate. it perked up for a bit, but by the next morning, it had gone all floppy and soft again. i tried adding more water and it perked up a little, but still looks a lot scruffier than when i'd bought it. sorry, gerbera daisy. who knew you were so high maintenance?

mothageddon

the moths, they are everywhere.


they crouch silently on the walls, in the dark. they form posses on the screen door, springing away in a flurry of beating wings, whenever you enter or exit. they divebomb my face, waking me, burrowing their wings into my ears. i smack the side of my head before i'm awake enough to realize what's happening.


the moths and i, we are at war. amazing how quickly i attribute human qualities to in-human creatures or object the moment they begin to inconvenience me. the moths are evil. the moths are out to get me. the moths lie in wait for me. i seal all windows and doors, entombing myself in the apartment. i systematically target one moth after another, armed with an empty arby's soda cup and an unopened piece of junk mail. once captured in the cup, i fling them out the window. i sweep my eyes over every room i enter, narrowing in on their dark bark-colored bodies with Terminator-like focus.


it occurs to me that perhaps i am descending into madness. it occurs to me that perhaps i am capturing and releasing the same moths that i just captured and released minutes ago. but it's too late for reason. as i write these words, they hurl themselves at my window- ping, ping, ping. i am at the point where i flinch and jump when a hair from my own head falls across my skin because it feels identical to the brush of a moth's wing. my arby's cup and i, we are ready.     


proof that this is not all in my head: the abq moth invasion has been reported on in the news. if it's on tv, it's got to be true ("Mothageddon").

OOJ: chocolate brick

my mom mailed me chocolate covered coconut almonds from my favorite chocolate store, Munson's, in Connecticut. this is what they usually look like.


unfortunately, they didn't survive sitting in my metal mailbox, baking in the abq sun. by the time i got them, the box was suspiciously squishy. it went straight into the fridge. two hours later when i took it out, it had become a work of art.

i pick it up like a brick and gnaw at it. still the best chocolate around.

hail!

it was 80-some degrees all day until 4:15pm, when suddenly: hail! rain! (hail and rain?) lightning! 

this place is so weird.

they look like Dippin' Dots ice cream

OOJ: matilda fights back!

another incredible wall display. i couldn't get it all in one frame, so this is my best attempt at collage-ing it. the blue banner behind miss trunchbull's head reads: "matilda fights back!"

these papier-mache creatures were the creation of mr. goss's 4th-5th graders.

check out the chokey!!

OOJ: parade of penguins

this is one of the most impressive wall displays i've seen EVER:

a line-up of *life-size* penguins, courtesy of ms. soto's third grade class.

SF street art

this is the wall on the upper yard of el dorado elementary school in SF, where i used to work. the kids told me it got like this from playing wall ball the day after a rainy day when it was still wet on the ground. 

ah, the MUNI. i worked the MUNI like a pro during my trip. certain lines, like the #22 Fillmore, have a very purgatory-like quality to them (the bus never breaks 8mph, constant stops, and packed human bodies, no room to be shy here). but in general, MUNI works great 75% of the time, and i was grateful for it. 

and of course, what trip would be complete without aerial photos? these were taken from SFO to ABQ.

Notes From the Field: Los Angeles Airport

LAX, Sunday night, 7:36 PM


i'm miserable and freezing. my flight to abq has been delayed 3 hours, until 10:45 p.m. PST, which means i won't get into abq until 1 a.m., which wouldn't be so bad except it's a school night, and i can't function so good on 5 hours of sleep like i used to back in the day. why is this terminal so cold? is it to combat the hordes of ppl crawling all over each other? 14 gates in a space that feels smaller than a football field, servicing three airlines, and i can't seem to find an empty corner to plop myself down in. i finally find a narrow corridor between a jarring display of giant plants in a 9 sq. ft. square, and the wall. i can't even tell if the plants are real, but there's a broken wooden sign on the ground that says, "don't feed the birds". is that a joke? i open my bag and put on every layer i can find, including arm warmers, scarf, and hat- all the clothes i'd brought in anticipation of SF's fog. suddenly a chunk of wall next to me swings open, and even more ppl start pouring into the terminal, as if someone had hacked into a rotting, termite-infested log. i'm sitting on the floor and i don't have time to get out of the way, so i scootch forward and press myself into the wall as they swarm around me and onwards. i check my phone- it's 7:54. lord have mercy.