this is what happens when you lose someone you love:
this someone you lost, i will call him/her "your person".
when you first lose your person, your mind + body are confused. suddenly someone who was so important to you is no longer interacting with you. for a while, your mind + body may try to fabricate new interactions, to sustain your person's presence in your life. you may catch glimpses of your person, usually in crowded public places, like airports or cafes. you see the back of someone's head, shaved high + tight, like how your person used to do. you hear a voice that could almost be your person, but then the voice continues to make noise, no longer sounding anything like your person. each time this happens, you realize you are looking at or listening to a stranger. the disappointment is crushing.
over time, the mental image you have of your person begins to dissolve around its edges. you find that you no longer have a crisp picture of your person in your mind. this can be extremely upsetting. after all, what else do you have left of your person besides your memories? photos, clothes, letters- these are really nothing more than objects that cue memories of your person. but ppl say memories betray us; in other words, memories- what are they anyway? molecules? firing synapses?- have no loyalty towards preserving what you remember of your person, which is the only way your person exists for you now.
this someone you lost, i will call him/her "your person".
when you first lose your person, your mind + body are confused. suddenly someone who was so important to you is no longer interacting with you. for a while, your mind + body may try to fabricate new interactions, to sustain your person's presence in your life. you may catch glimpses of your person, usually in crowded public places, like airports or cafes. you see the back of someone's head, shaved high + tight, like how your person used to do. you hear a voice that could almost be your person, but then the voice continues to make noise, no longer sounding anything like your person. each time this happens, you realize you are looking at or listening to a stranger. the disappointment is crushing.
over time, the mental image you have of your person begins to dissolve around its edges. you find that you no longer have a crisp picture of your person in your mind. this can be extremely upsetting. after all, what else do you have left of your person besides your memories? photos, clothes, letters- these are really nothing more than objects that cue memories of your person. but ppl say memories betray us; in other words, memories- what are they anyway? molecules? firing synapses?- have no loyalty towards preserving what you remember of your person, which is the only way your person exists for you now.
1 comment:
I can relate. For worse and probably for better, too, memories fade to make room for new ones you don't realize you value until they leave.
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